Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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