Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
