I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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