K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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