im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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