I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
