We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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