She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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