dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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