I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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