Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
