Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
