we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
