I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I looked at my own cervix.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
