I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
