is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
