I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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