so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
