How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
birth control should be required to get into college
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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