im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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