theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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