hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
