It's Friday. Sex?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
