Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
