Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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