I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
