he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
