I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
