i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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