Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
