It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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