I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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