wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
