Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
