You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
