yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
