I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
