Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
