pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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