Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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