Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
