if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
