with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
