Your dad touched me again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
