god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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