I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
