if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
