atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
