Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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