Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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