Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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