I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
