I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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