Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
