If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
