I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
