I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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