Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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