he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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