She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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