Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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