you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
