So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
