so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
