it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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