Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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