I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
