Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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