My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
