take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
