Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
