I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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