I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
