Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
