I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
