Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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