i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
