either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize