Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And then my night got REAL pukey
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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