is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
