Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I understand Curling. That high.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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