I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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